I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
