When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
