woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
