Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
