Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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