Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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