I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
