You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
