If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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