A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
