Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
