Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
