I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
