It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize