I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
