Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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