fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
