Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
