My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
