My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
