Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
