I'm drive I can fine osifer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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