my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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