In the future we'll all be gay
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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