Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
