I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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