I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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