I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
