Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
