Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
