i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
