Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
