I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
