Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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