just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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