I hate your face
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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