Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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