I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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