I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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