East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
