He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
