Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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