if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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