I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
