He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
