I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
