We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize