my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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