Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
