I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
