So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
