I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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