Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
