Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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