I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
