I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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