Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is Oprah even human
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize