So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
