The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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