4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
