Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize