i think i have herpe
just one?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
