fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my shit smells like andre
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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