just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
