So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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