He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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