we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
