Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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