so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
