i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
