Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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