I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
