it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm too high and old for this...
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