My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
