She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
