Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
