best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
