Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
