i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Your dad touched me again.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
