my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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