so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
