you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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